Everybody’s been there. Failed relationships are the last thing you want to think about, but the first thing on your mind. So what do you do about romantic connections that are lost, torn, and broken? It’s all about minding your manners. In this series, Ex Etiquette, we’ll explore the ups and downs of breaking-up, and what to do about sweethearts gone sour.
Just because your relationship with someone falls to pieces, doesn’t mean you have to lose the friendship all-together. It’s certainly possible to become good friends with an old boyfriend or girlfriend. But maintaining ties can be difficult in the first stages after a breakup. So how do you deal with the competiveness and jealousy that result from former flames who are suddenly single?
Well, first let’s take a look at the logic behind this phenomenon. Why do we get that awful feeling in our stomachs when an Ex has really moved on? Why is there an obsession with being the first one back out into the dating world again? Because breakups can cause you to feel self-conscious about your personality and image; using your Ex’s post-breakup behavior as a comparison for your own is a natural tendency that we have, when we’re questioning our ability to be successful at relationships again.
Here are a few things to keep in mind when you’re feeling the burn from your Ex’s newfound success in the world of dating. Or, for when you can’t stop worrying about what will happen next:
Just because your relationship with someone falls to pieces, doesn’t mean you have to lose the friendship all-together. It’s certainly possible to become good friends with an old boyfriend or girlfriend. But maintaining ties can be difficult in the first stages after a breakup. So how do you deal with the competiveness and jealousy that result from former flames who are suddenly single?
Well, first let’s take a look at the logic behind this phenomenon. Why do we get that awful feeling in our stomachs when an Ex has really moved on? Why is there an obsession with being the first one back out into the dating world again? Because breakups can cause you to feel self-conscious about your personality and image; using your Ex’s post-breakup behavior as a comparison for your own is a natural tendency that we have, when we’re questioning our ability to be successful at relationships again.
Here are a few things to keep in mind when you’re feeling the burn from your Ex’s newfound success in the world of dating. Or, for when you can’t stop worrying about what will happen next:
If your Ex tries to “rub in” his or her new relationship, brush it off.
I know, I know, it’s only human nature to act irrationally over a boasting boyfriend. But don’t let the little blonde on his arm scare you out of your game. His primary goal is probably to make you uneasy anyway, so just be courteous to him and his new pal. When he knows he can’t get to you, he won’t bother trying anymore. Best to steer clear of ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends who try to invoke jealousy. It’s probably a reaction to the hurt they feel themselves.
If you’re feeling lonely, resist the urge to call your Ex for pity.
I know, I know, it’s only human nature to act irrationally over a boasting boyfriend. But don’t let the little blonde on his arm scare you out of your game. His primary goal is probably to make you uneasy anyway, so just be courteous to him and his new pal. When he knows he can’t get to you, he won’t bother trying anymore. Best to steer clear of ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends who try to invoke jealousy. It’s probably a reaction to the hurt they feel themselves.
If you’re feeling lonely, resist the urge to call your Ex for pity.
If you’re worried that your Ex is moving on, it’s not the time to desperately grasp for his or her attention with sad-sounding phone calls. Though it’s easy to feel sorry for yourself when you’re not ready to move on yet, it isn’t fair to make your Ex feel guilty about dating either. When you call to sadly reminisce or suggest a meeting with your Ex, you risk signaling that it’s not okay for them to start new relationships of their own. If you do this, you’ll either end up stringing them along out of the pity they feel for you, or your Ex will abandon you all-together when you get too smothery.
If the thought of your Ex dating makes your skin crawl, get out there and meet new people.
Don’t just sit there! Get out and have some fun! We know by now that Facebook stalking an Ex can be a dangerous way to waste an afternoon, so instead, get out of your room and into the world (even if it’s just to relax with your friends). Meeting new people is the best way to realize that you have full control over your love life again. Being an emotional slave to your Ex, will just drag you deeper into sorrow. But starting conversations with new people, and participating in social functions with your friends, will get you back on your feet.
Don’t get too high and mighty. Bragging about all your adventures since becoming single isn’t fair either.
Don’t just sit there! Get out and have some fun! We know by now that Facebook stalking an Ex can be a dangerous way to waste an afternoon, so instead, get out of your room and into the world (even if it’s just to relax with your friends). Meeting new people is the best way to realize that you have full control over your love life again. Being an emotional slave to your Ex, will just drag you deeper into sorrow. But starting conversations with new people, and participating in social functions with your friends, will get you back on your feet.
Don’t get too high and mighty. Bragging about all your adventures since becoming single isn’t fair either.
Even if you know she’s trying to make you jealous, there’s no use in bragging back to your ex-girlfriend. You don’t need to turn your situation into a competition about who is “better off” without the other. So avoid things like excessive kissing and hugging your new love interest when in the presence of your Ex. And don’t use descriptions of your new relationship that are oddly comparable to your old one. For example, if you and your Ex once went on a romantic getaway together, don’t include exaggerated descriptions of the vacation you just took with your new sweetheart. Your Ex might think you’re hinting at their inadequacy, or trying to make them feel bad about how things were in the past.
-megan
